Who killed Carol?

I was thinking about my friend Carol who was killed about five years ago when she was hit by car walking to work in the rain. I miss her and all she brought to the world. She was total unconditional love. I had the good luck to have her as a babysitter for my four kids for about five years when they were little. I was overwhelmed by all the work involved in raising them and she came about three times a week to give me some relief and play with the kids while she cleaned and straightened up. She was amazing. A fifty year old whirlwind who seemed to be able to juggle all the kids, making grilled cheese sandwiches, folding clothes and playing grocery store all at the same time. Now here I am, fifty years old, those kids are almost grown and I wish I could tell Carol all about them. She loved my son Aaron when most people thought he was naughty and too energetic. She blamed the teacher for not bringing out the best in him, Carol said this was the teacher's job that Aaron wasn't to blame. Now Aaron is in the army and she would be so proud of who he is becoming. She marveled at the way my daughter Stephanie would follow her around the house and how she was so creative with colors and patterns. But the younger two kids really got the most out of Carol. They were still at home when she started with us and the older two in kindergarten and preschool. Carol told Melanie how she was "fifty years older that her". She never forgot it. She would be 66 now and Melanie 16 and in love. How Carol would enjoy seeing these girls grown up and so beautiful. Monica was the six week old infant when Carol started with us. She was with us until she went to kindergarten. She sat with them through chickenpox, fed them crackers and sprite and watch cartoons. Carol loved Tom and Jerry Kids. Now Monica is 14 with long black hair and a runner. Carol wouldn't even know her.
When I was thinking about Carol tonight and all she missed it occurred to me that I don't know who hit her with their car that rainy morning. I wonder if they think much about what happened. I bet it was the single most traumatic thing that ever happened to them. We lost Carol and we miss her but who ever killed Carol never even knew her. They missed it all.

I can't think of the right words to express how I feel about you and us. Love doesn't seem strong enough. I wish I could crawl inside you or somehow have complete contact with every nerve in your body or come in total contact with every inch of your skin with mine. I wish I could get inside your brain so every time you doubt yourself or feel sad, I could quickly make you feel loved and reassure you that everything is okay. I could also feel the total ecstasy that an orgasm brings you and I would know the graphic scene in your head without the embarrassment describing that scene out loud would bring you. I love how I look at that video of us kissing and you can feel the passion between us and the look on both out faces is complete love, lust, whatever. It would be easy for an outsider  to tell how much we care about each other. If anyone has doubts, including you and me on occasion, just watching that vid would erase those feelings quickly. We love each other. Period. I don't ever want to be far away from you ever again.